So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
