The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
