shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
