I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
