paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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