Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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