Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
