I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
