The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
