Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
