We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize