And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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