I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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