Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
