So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
