Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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