i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
