i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
