There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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