Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
