I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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