I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
