i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
