My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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