Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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