Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
