can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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