I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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