So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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