Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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