We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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