I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
