So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The air was thick with penises
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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