I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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