Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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