Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
