No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
