We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
