My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
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drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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