they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
