my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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