if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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