worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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