So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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