pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
