so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
