guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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