I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
