The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Will exercising make me less horny?
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