based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
