a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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