just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
