Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
