I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
