ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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