my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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