I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
