i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
