playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
