wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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