i just had sex bonerless
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have fence marks all over my body
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
