That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
