why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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