I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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