Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
