so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
