i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
