I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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