How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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