I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
