oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
