imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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